I
by Hiryu Kaga
Summary: Another songfic by yours truly. Hurried Production Warning! Rated PG for subject.


**I am I**

by Hiryu Kaga 

to "I" by Black Sabbath 

* * *

I am Ikari Shinji, son of Ikari Gendou and Yui. 

_I am anger   
Under pressure_

No, not anymore. My mother is dead... and I stopped considering **him** as my father a long time ago. When I received his letter, I hoped for a moment, that it would change. I was wrong. 

_Left in cages   
A prisoner   
The first to escape_

He summoned me only to put my life on the line. After my first battles, I wanted to run away, but he knew how to stop me. He gave me a new life - a false one, but real enough to trap me inside. I couldn't leave. 

_I am wicked   
I am legion_

I am Ikari Shinji, pilot of Evangelion Unit One. 

_Strength in numbers   
A lie   
The number is one_

The Third Child. A fighter. A savior. Forsaken by his father, and yet shaped the way he wanted. 

_I - I - I   
Everything that I see is for me_

With a savior like me, who needs enemies?... 

_Yes, I am giant   
I'm a monster_

Is that what he wanted? I'm a fighting machine, like my Eva. I hate my Eva. I hate myself. All I ever bring to this world is pain. 

_Breaking windows   
In houses   
Buildings of glass _

People suffer from my actions. If an Angel won, just once, they would never be hurt by me again.   
I know they suffer. I saw their hatred when Touji told me about his sister. I tasted their pain when he punched me. I felt their suffering when he was pulled out from his entry plug.   
And then... 

_Rebel rebel   
Holy outlaw_

I ran away. I finally broke free after that. I threw it all in **his** face and walked out. Stupid child.   
He knew I would come back. His smirk never faded. 

_Ride together   
Don't try it   
The power's in one_

And I came back. I had to save them, my escape did not severe the bond. I returned and vented my anger on the Angel. I wanted to give some to **him**, but I couldn't. Stupid child. 

_I - I - I   
I am standing alone   
But I can rock you_

Why did I do it? Why did I come back? In the name of false ideals, to save the ones who didn't care about me. I'm on my own, always was. 

_I - I - I   
On the edge of the blade   
But the knife can't cut the hero down_

Sometimes I wonder why I'm still alive. 

_I am virgin   
I'm a whore_

Is that what you wanted, **commander**? You took away my childhood, made me a soldier. You made me hurt and kill. You twisted and warped my mind, and I don't know what's true anymore. I used to be an innocent child. Used to be. 

_Giving nothing   
The taker   
The maker of war_

Now I'm an empty shell, I follow the orders. You give them out, not caring for my feelings. Of course, why care about your soldier, he isn't your son, is he? Not your goddamn blood! 

_I'll smash your face in   
But with a smile_

You made me kill my friends. Yes, I considered him my friend. The Fifth Child, the Seventeenth Angel. He gained my trust and then betrayed me. But you are worse than him. And now it's over, what power do you have over me? 

_All together   
You'll never   
Be stronger than me_

The list of your deeds goes on, the reasons to hate you more than myself. 

_I - I - I   
Right here on my own   
But I still rock you_

One by one, I lost all my friends. Asuka is comatose, God knows when she wakes up. Why did you let her get like this? If you're so powerful, why didn't you find another way? Rei died to save me. Save me! Only because you didn't let me go there, again! The Ayanami you brought back is not Rei. Never will be. 

_I - I - I   
Don't follow behind   
Just leave me on the outside_

Is that what you wanted, I repeat? Tell me!   
...   
What was that? Did someone actually stand up to you? People running around, chaos. I can feel it, this is the end. 

_I - I - I   
I am standing alone   
But I can shock you_

I don't want it to end this way. But if you die, it's fine with me. 

_I - I - I   
On the edge of the blade   
But no one makes the hero bleed_

Or will you drag me into the etry plug again, to kill more people? 

_I am hunger   
Feed my head_

No, now I just want to die. And take you with me. 

_All together   
You'll never   
Never make the hero bleed_

"Sorry, kid. Don't hate me."   
I don't. Just don't fail your mission, soldier. We're the same. 

* * *

**Hiryu's Post-productive Rant:**

Just had this idea. I've been working on it in a hurry so it might suck. Of course, it wouldn't make a difference if I worked on it in peace, it would suck anyway. R&R. Criticism welcome, flames always come back to you. 

* * *

**Tirade of a Demented Dragon:**

Just for the record: Locust, if you're going to wisecrack again, don't bother to review. End of rant. 


End file.
